Reparenting While Parenting: Healing Our Inner Children as We Raise Our Own

your inner child is a direct mirror to mine.

As a mama on my healing journey, I’ve come to understand that the work of breaking cycles of trauma and fostering love begins with us. And let’s be real, nothing highlights your own unresolved issues quite like a toddler refusing to wear pants or a child rolling their eyes so hard you worry they’ll strain a muscle.

Motherhood is both

a mirror and a magnifier.

It reflects the parts of us that need our attention and magnifies the beauty and courage it takes to heal while raising children.

There’s no perfect way to do this. Healing isn’t linear, and the process of mothering is anything but predictable. Some days, you’re channeling your inner zen goddess, lovingly redirecting tantrums. Other days, you’re hiding in the pantry, eating chocolate, and wondering if you’ve permanently damaged your kids because you yelled about spilled juice. And yet, even on those days, I’m reminded that healing doesn’t mean having it all figured out. It means choosing—again and again—to show up with intention, to lean into love over fear, connection over reactivity, and curiosity over judgment.

So let's go back to the womb for a moment.. the place where it all starts to manifest in human form.

From the perspective of a pre- and perinatal geek and midwife, I’ve witnessed firsthand how the womb holds not just life, but the energetic and emotional imprints of generations. Babies are exquisitely attuned to their mother’s inner world. They sense her joys, her fears, and even her unresolved traumas. But here is the beauty in this: they also feel her healing. Every time a mother sheds a tear for her own inner child, forgives her own parents, or nurtures herself with compassion, she’s rewriting the story her baby will carry. (Also, let’s not forget the times we’ve literally cried over spilled milk—it’s all part of the process!)

We often talk about breaking cycles of trauma—an essential and noble endeavor—but we must also recognize the power we have to amplify cycles of love, trust, and connection. Healing is not an isolated act; it is profoundly relational. It happens in moments of repair after rupture, in the simple act of sitting with our children and being fully present, and in the courage it takes to seek help when we need it. These small, consistent acts ripple outward, touching not only our children but the generations to come.

Healing while mothering is sacred work. It’s tender, messy, and deeply vulnerable. And let’s be honest, it’s also exhausting.

There’s a temptation to feel that we must have everything resolved before we can be fully present with our children. But this isn’t true. Our children don’t need perfect parents—they need real ones. They need to see us navigating our own challenges with grace (or at least with coffee in hand), asking for forgiveness when we falter, and modeling what it means to grow.

I’ve seen this so clearly in my relationship with my daughter. She’s always been a wonderful child—kind, cooperative, and thoughtful. But over time, I started to notice that she was suppressing a lot. Anger, frustration, and sadness seemed to linger just below the surface, and I realized I hadn’t been giving her the tools to express these feelings in a healthy way. So I decided to experiment.

For the past year, every time I sense that something is off, I gently invite her to explore the feeling. Often, this ends with the two of us in a private space, pillows in hand. I let her go at it—punching, kicking, screaming—and within five minutes, she’s a completely different child. After her emotional storm has passed, I ask her to check in with her body. If there’s nothing left, we hug, talk, and move on. She’s regulated within minutes, and it feels like magic. Why didn’t anyone teach me this? Here I am at 29, learning how to feel my own anger instead of suppressing it, all while coaching my daughter to do the same.

The beauty of this process is that it’s so simple, yet so powerful. By allowing her to feel her feelings and move through them in a safe and supportive way, I’m not just helping her regulate her emotions—I’m breaking the cycle of emotional suppression that I grew up with. And honestly, watching her let it all out while flinging a pillow halfway across the room is oddly satisfying. (Who knew therapeutic pillow fights could be such a bonding activity?)

When I’m supporting a birthing mother, guiding a family through postpartum integration, or sitting with my own children, I hold this truth close: healing is generational. It’s a gift we give not just to ourselves, but to those who came before us and those who will come after us. Every act of love and healing creates ripples that extend beyond what we can see. And on the days when healing feels like the last thing you have energy for, remember: sometimes, just showing up—even in sweatpants and with a half-eaten sandwich in hand—is enough.

So if you’re mothering while healing, know this: your work is enough. The courage it takes to face your own wounds while holding space for your children is a profound act of love. You are rewriting your lineage, one choice, one breath, and one moment of connection at a time. And in doing so, you are planting seeds of healing, trust, connection, and love that will flourish for generations to come. (And yes, those seeds might be watered with your tears and fueled by caffeine—and that’s perfectly okay.)

Much love xx

New and exciting things:

Join Me for a Transformative Somatic Healing Retreat!

I’m excited to announce two upcoming retreats designed to guide you through profound somatic healing and trauma reprocessing:

• March 7-9, 2025 – 3-Day Deep Dive in San Luis Obispo, CAThis intimate retreat is focused on somatic healing, trauma integration, and deep relational work. We’ll explore transformative practices to reconnect with your truest essence and release stored emotional trauma.

  
  

• April 12-19, 2025 – 7-Day Healing Retreat in Costa RicaEscape to the serene healing lands of Costa Rica for a 7-day retreat where we’ll work with trauma-informed somatic therapies, breathwork, bodywork, and plant medicine (optional). This retreat is designed to deeply reconnect you with yourself and your highest potential.

Both retreats are designed to support you on your journey of healing and self-discovery through powerful somatic practices, trauma reprocessing, and relational therapy.

Spaces are limited, and these retreats tend to fill quickly. If you’re ready to take your healing journey to the next level, I’d love to have you join us. For more information or to reserve your spot, reach out to betschart.demi@gmail.com